The Other Reading

This poem was supposed to be read at the wedding. I had lost the book I found it in, and so, a few days before the wedding I went to Powell's Books, found the book and looked for paper and pen in my purse. I had none. What mother, or woman for that matter, doesn't have a bazillion things to write with and on in her purse at all times?!

Here is my little sweet that I love so much. I saved it as a text draft on my phone, and never typed it out for anyone to read.  But it is still ours.

Do you not see
that you and I
are as the branches of one tree?
With your rejoicing
comes my laughter;
with your sadness
start my tears.
Love, could life be otherwise
with you and me?

Tsu Yeh  265-316 Tsin Dynasty

My Bouquet

                     {blurry pic sorry}

The story goes like this..... I never planned or budgeted for flowers. First, we were going to grow them. But then we decided to gather or buy some the morning of. I had intended on making a few herbal boutonnieres for the boys and family, but that never happened. My mom stopped by the local farmers market on her way to our house and picked up a few bunches of brightly colored flowers. I never communicated to her that I preferred softer, more neutral colors, but no matter.
My husband's grooms maid split and arranged them into about 18 different bottles and vases. I came back to the house an hour or so before the wedding and casually mentioned to Katy that I didn't have a bouquet. I never intended NOT to have a bouquet, it was just one of those things that never got planned. In fact, the most recent thought was that I'd have my hubby put one together for me (he has some experience, don't fret!) But, of course, you already know how our day went.
So his sweet and awesome friend/grooms lady looked at me wide-eyed and said "What? You don't have a BOUQUET?!" And proceeded to pull flowers out of vases, and took scissors to our rose bush and the neighbors' garden. It was her first bouquet. She tied ribbon around the stems and I handed her an old lacy trim piece I had worn as a hair accessory for years to go around the ribbon. I am eternally grateful.  And I think it turned out quite lovely! The pop of color against my dress and the overcast sky was perfect.

What We Did Do

                               {my auntie's cute shoes}

I'm still lamenting at the small decor details and large lack-of-tunes details surrounding the wedding. To forgive myself I am acknowledging some key factors

1. I have children, they take time, money, and energy away from spending my time however I wish.
2. It rained pretty much the whole month of May and June, so my cleaning and painting windows with chalkboard paint, making a chicken wire name card holder, etc just didn't happen.
3. We spend pretty much all of our time and resources into getting the yard ready for the wedding. I'm serious, the last overhaul cost a grand.
4. With my husband busy putting up the tarp the whole day of the wedding I couldn't exactly have him come down and help me with other little things.
5. On your wedding day, if you're anything like me and easily overwhelmed, it seems damn near impossible to get anything done, just keep in those tears and know that everything will be okay.
6. I forgot to ask people to do a toast or say a speech. How hard would that have been?
7. We didn't sing our duet to our wedding guests. Boo!
8. I didn't get our seating chart done
9. I didn't put up our family photos
10. We didn't have a photo booth ( I REALLY wanted this!)
11. We didn't get our playlists together for mingling or our recessional - geez how many times can I repeat myself?
12. We didn't get photos by the train yard, or with the chickens, or at some industrial building, or with classic cars, or in silly poses with our bridal party, etc etc.
13. We didn't do a "first look"

Here's what we did do:

1. I ordered and painted our cake topper
2. I made miles of pendleton bunting
3. I sourced and cleaned (with my sisters help) a gazillion mason jars
4. I picked through my mom's tin can collection and cleaned them
5. I DIY our invitations
6. I printed a couple hundred haiku forms
7. I made 20 kids activity books
8. I ordered and cut out 90 something custom tattoos
9. Various shopping
10. I had the leads in my dad's band perform a song he wrote as our processional
11. I sang a song with the band that we rehearsed once 3 weeks before the wedding.
12. I put up a mirror, table, wash bowls, watcher pitcher and soap outside the porta-potty's
13. My cake was perfect!
14. We customized our whole ceremony.
15. I saved and washed baby food jars for tea lights, although not even half of them got on the tables. Grrr

I promise I will stop whining soon. The OCD in me just has to relive these details with a certain level of anxiety before I can move on, it will happen, I'll be done and over it, I promise.

The Big Top

Oregon is notorious for irratic and unpredictable weather patterns. Case in point: Our wedding day said sunny and mid-70's until the Tuesday before. Then it said scattered showers and low 60's. Are you kidding me? This created more stress around our wedding than it deserved. But, we had to be prepared. So the night before, my husband ran to home depot and bought the largest tarp they had - 40ftx60ft and some 2by4's - and spent all day Saturday attaching it along our roof, cutting it around trees and tieing it up. The result made me want to cry cry cry! I was in such a bad mood, this ruined the vision of my day, but I can't control the weather.
In the end, it did rain, barely. We probably could have gotten away without tarp city, but as my mom repeatedly told me "It gives people a sense of security and makes it warmer in here" plus we had band equipment and instruments. Had it rained and we were unprepared? Wedding OVER.

So, alas, I await my wedding pics wondering just how atrocious of an eye-sore this tarp is going to be!

Oh the things we can't control.......

P.S. That ladder my husband is on isn't connected to anything at the top. It is held up merely by the tension of the tarp, which is why there's a group of people steadying it. And do you see what he's doing? Wrapping it with tiny white christmas lights! I had a christmas lit ladder in the middle of my reception magically standing upright.
P.P.S. Until later in the night when the wind blew the corner of the tarp down and the ladder crashed to the ground. It was loud, and kinda crazy, and nothing was in the way, not a table or a plate or a small child, or a big child. Double whew!

Poem

Poetry is a means for a world of emotion and experience to fit inside a few clean words, placed precisely on a page. I understand this, in the reading and in the writing of it. It is where my heart takes a deep breath and my soul sighs in response. One too right not to share:

Habitation


Marriage is not
a house or even a tent

it is before that, and colder:

The edge of the forest, the edge
of the desert
the unpainted stairs
at the back where we squat
outside, eating popcorn

where painfully and with wonder
at having survived even
this far

we are learning to make fire

Margaret Atwood

Three Days After

The feeling to continually list out and moan about all of our didn't-haves is fading, or maybe the fact that my husband and I are trying to finish off the kegs with round the clock drinking clouds the brain. We've had some bad energy with the caterer, this is in the process of resolution (revolution?) and has definitely put me in a sour mood the last couple days, but that is slowly fading too.

I'm left with the knowledge that weddings happen whether you have everything ready you wanted to or not. And I didn't heed other brides' advice (no matter how often I read it) to do things as early as possible so they are finished and you aren't frantically trying to do it all the day before, the day of, or even the week of. I thought I had all the time in the world.

I also wonder how different it feels to leave your wedding venue, not wake up the next morning and deal with all the aftermath, or the memories good and bad.

But overall, when I thing about everything, I'm so proud of the work we did leading up to the day, and all the amazing hands we had helping make it a reality the day off.

We agreed though, if you have the money, hire a wedding coordinator.

It Happened

It is done, it was great, nothing was perfect, nothing was terrible.

Note to those of you planning and executing your own wedding: unless its really simple, its really hard work.

Even if its really simple.

Many of our plans didn't happen. I'm sad about this, but overall, the emotion I take from the day is greater and more memorable than the fact that we never got our recessional song played, or music during the arrival/mingling time, or yard games set up, or a photo booth/guest picture area, or that a whole case of red wine got tucked away on the stage and wasn't found till this morning, or that the caterer didn't get all the agreed upon food out on each table.

What did happen was magical. My husband tarped our entire back yard in case of rain, an amazing feat that took most of the day. Our friends and family worked like magical little bees to put this thing together, and I am eternally grateful and amazed and overwhelmed with emotion for their help and generosity. Our ceremony was perfect. I sang a song to my husband. We danced. We had a wedding crasher. Our friends wrote us silly and touching haiku's. My husband's friends dad sat in on drums for a few songs so my dad and I could dance. My dad said he loved me. My sister, daughter, and cousin dj'd after the band for the remaining family members and we got crazy on the dance floor, we made a fire finally but smoke filled the tarp. We put the kids to bed and soaked in the hot tub to finish the night. I had a whole pitcher of tea to myself to ease the headache I had at the end of the night.

This morning we opened cards and gifts and again I am overwhelmed with the love and generosity shown by our friends and family. It makes me want to be a better person. And I love my husband.

A Backyard Wedding

                                       {via Ruffled}

This is another wedding that pulled my strings last week as the beautiful couple were married at their home and blended their families. Sometimes its the story of the couple, not the wedding photos that make it a favorite. They had a Quaker style ceremony, where each guest speaks if they feel led too and the couple is married by their community.
I love the unique and romantic feeling of her dress, their gorgeous home and darling children.
Visit the link above for more photos from this simple, relaxed, and wonderful wedding.

Recouping

{a much better photo than i had previously here, thank to emily!}

Last night was my hen night. Late planning on my behalf meant a smaller turn out (or so I like to think!) but we enjoyed drinks, shopping for bachelorette paraphernalia (yes, I wore a red glittery penis-horned headband, you can sorta see one horn in the pic above, it could have been a LOT worse!) a less-than-awesome bar, followed up by some seriously talented karaoke. My girls are the best! Thanks to a great night!

My Favorite Wedding Today

This wedding has had me swooning the last couple days, I keep going back and lingering over those hazy, warm images, her gorgeous dress, that venue (!!!) and the quirky 'stach on the groomsman.

To see more visit 100 layer cake, photos courtesy of One Love Photo.

I pick up my dress this morning, and I am terrified I am not going to like how it looks on me. If I haven't said it before, I do love my dress, but I don't know that it was the best choice for my body. This whole wedding-obsession process has taught me much about my body shape. Which, I've had to accept, is "athletic" by body-type standards. Small breasts, broad shoulders, undefined waist, square-shape torso. Going through it this last year post-baby has made me a little more conscious off my body's changes as well, besides a softer belly I'm pretty much back to normal, or maybe better than normal. So we'll see how today goes! I think we can make changes, but at this point, with only a week left and just my mom and I to do it we could be re-bustling and pinning the bottom the minute before the ceremony!

Oh the blog......where we post our deepest fears for the whole world to read.

Updates

{wishing I had this fire-pit}

The 10-day forecast calls for sunny and 73 degrees next Saturday. This makes me happy.

My photographer asked if he could bring along a second, amateur photographer and we would get his images in exchange for allowing him to use them on his website, etc. Double happy.

I've left 2 voice mails for the porta-potty vendor over the last week. Even though we spoke in person once, I'm not convinced anything is confirmed. This makes me nervous.

I've called the fabric store to check on how many bolts of burlap they can sell me, since I waited too long to order it. It will take 1-3 days for them to get back to me. This makes me nervous too.

I ordered the wine last Saturday and haven't heard anything from the store. Must check asap.

I pick my dress up on Saturday, totally nervous I'm not going to like it, but hoping I will love it. No turning back now.

Waiting on an updated invoice from the caterer since we've added more mouths, supposed to have a check to him by the 12th but not sure what amount to make it out for.

Family begins to arrive next week.

I unofficially have the next almost 2 weeks off starting today!! Haven't made my pedicure or eyebrow wax appointments, need a haircut and possible color touch-up, had a major breakout last week that is finally calming down.

Bachelor and Bachelorette parties this weekend. How fun!

Updates.....finished.

This wedding is going to happen.

What if It rains?

We have had record breaking rainfall lately, going on a month now and I have to say it is making me uber depressed. Oregon isn't one of the happiest places on earth to start but we generally have beautiful summers......now its just lagging along in this dreariness which isn't doing me or anyone else any favors. I still haven't gotten my garden done, and its very difficult to do any yard work or porch work in the rain.
So with two weeks till the wedding, I'm starting to think about what we do if its raining on our day. We don't have a back-up plan. We can't fit 125 people in our house, or afford to rent a tent large enough to fit everybody under.
I know things will work out, I'm not stressing about it, cause that doesn't help matters, but I am thinking about it. Part (most) of me is planning on the weather being dry, if not sunny, at least dry. Even if the forecast calls for rain rain rain every frickin' last day of the next week.
Farmer's Almanac predicts June 16-19th to be Fair. Aiy yi yi! What does fair mean? I'll take overcast. I'd be thrilled with overcast at this point!
This lack of motivation has me just staring at my to-do list and between nap times, changing, feeding and grocery shopping when can I even get things done, realistically?
My husband is so side tracked and in and out of the house all the time we don't even have our ceremony or vows put together yet and he thinks he's going to refinish the front steps, build back stairs and finish off the deck, make a brick pathway, build a stage, fix our chicken coup and till and barkdust the other unattractive areas of our yard, all in the next two weeks? Ha!
 Why do I have to feel so poopy right now? My baby won't nap, I'm disgruntled about work, and I can't even catch a break to exercise for 30 minutes, which would make me feel loads better.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Okay I've vented.